The Relationship Test

Are You Really Monogamous? Or Is Poly Life for You? Welcome to The Monogamy Experiment—your go-to source for all things love, connection, and self-discovery. If you’re here, chances are you’re a little bit curious about where you fit on the spectrum of relationship styles. Maybe you feel 100% at home in a committed, monogamous bond. Or perhaps you’ve wondered if there’s more to explore beyond the classic two-person setup. What if your deepest desires align with open relationships, polyamory, or even something a bit more rebellious like relationship anarchy? Whatever your inclinations, you’re in the right place.

We’ve put together a fun, short, and slightly spicy test to help you discover the dynamic that speaks directly to your heart. In just 20 questions (seriously, less than 5 minutes!), you’ll get an eye-opening look at which style might resonate best with your personal desires. But before you jump into the quiz, let’s explore the colorful world of modern relationships—and maybe bust a few myths along the way.

Why This Test Matters

Every relationship is a journey, a unique combination of intimacy, communication, and emotional connection. Unfortunately, many of us have been handed a one-size-fits-all script that says, “You meet one person, fall in love, get married (maybe), stay loyal forever, the end.” If that’s always felt right to you, fantastic! But if you’re even a little bit uncertain, there’s no shame in exploring alternative possibilities. The Are You Really Monogamous? test helps you question your assumptions and discover a relationship style that honors your true self.

For some people, exploring non-monogamy can be as thrilling as it is terrifying. We’re often taught that love is limited—that if you give some of your love away, you automatically have less to offer your main partner. But as many non-monogamous folks would tell you, love isn’t like a pie that’s divided into slices. It’s more like a flame: You can light multiple candles from a single flame without extinguishing the original.

Understanding Social Conditioning

From fairy tales to Hollywood romances, our culture is steeped in the idea that true love can only exist between two people. We grow up assuming monogamy is the “normal” thing to do. In many communities, deviating from that path can lead to raised eyebrows, probing questions, or even stigma. This is social conditioning at work.

But let’s not villainize monogamy: it’s a valid, rewarding, and deeply fulfilling relationship style—if it aligns with your values and desires. Similarly, alternative lifestyles like polyamory and open relationships are not rebellious, chaotic choices designed to upend society (despite what your grandparents’ eyebrows might suggest). They’re simply different ways of loving—crafted by people who recognize that love and intimacy can flourish in more ways than one.

When you take our test, you’re not just answering questions about your preferences—you’re also challenging any social conditioning that might be lurking in your subconscious. Will you confirm your love for classic monogamy or find a new possibility that excites you? Let’s dive deeper into what each relationship style means before you decide.

Monogamy: The Classic Way

Breaking Down Monogamy

Monogamy is often seen as the default, at least in many Western cultures. By definition, monogamy means forming a committed relationship with a single partner—emotionally, romantically, and sexually. This structure offers a clear-cut sense of security, exclusivity, and partnership. For some, it’s the perfect container where love and stability can flourish. There’s a reason countless songs, movies, and novels celebrate the concept of two people finding their “one and only.”

Common Myths About Monogamy

Myth #1: Monogamy is natural. While many people do thrive in a monogamous setup, calling it “natural” overlooks the reality that different cultures throughout history have practiced various forms of non-monogamy.

Myth #2: Monogamy is boring. The idea that monogamy automatically stifles excitement is just as flawed. In truth, you can keep the spark alive in many ways—new experiences, open communication, and evolving together over time.

Myth #3: Monogamy is the gold standard of commitment. Not necessarily. In some non-monogamous setups, the level of emotional honesty and communication is so high that the commitment can be just as significant—if not more, for certain people.

If these myths feel relevant to you, consider whether you’re comfortable in an exclusive partnership or if you’re secretly craving something more open. Either way, a healthy monogamous relationship can be a beautiful union. Let’s see how it compares to the next dynamic.

Open Relationships: A Gentle Step into Non-Monogamy

What Defines an Open Relationship?

An open relationship typically centers around two primary partners who are emotionally committed to each other but agree to have sexual or romantic connections outside of that partnership. Think of it as monogamy with a bit of flexibility. While monogamy demands exclusivity, an open relationship allows additional connections—sometimes purely physical, sometimes more emotional. The scope depends on mutual agreements between partners.

This model often appeals to couples who feel secure but crave variety, exploration, or greater freedom. It can allow individuals to explore personal interests and experiences without terminating the core partnership.

Challenges and Rewards

The biggest pro of an open relationship is diversity of experience—physically, emotionally, and socially. You get to stay anchored in a primary partnership while potentially discovering new layers of your sexuality or interpersonal dynamics with others.

The challenge? Balancing jealousy, managing expectations, and clarifying boundaries. It’s critical to have ongoing conversations about safe sex practices, emotional needs, and time management. Just because a relationship is “open” doesn’t mean it’s a free-for-all. Success hinges on transparency and mutual respect.

If you’re intrigued by the idea of expanding your horizons without fully diving into multiple committed partnerships, open relationships might be calling your name.

Hierarchical Polyamory

Primary vs. Secondary Partners

In hierarchical polyamory, individuals have multiple romantic and/or sexual relationships simultaneously—but not all partners have equal standing. Often, there’s a “primary” relationship that holds a top priority position (think shared finances, living arrangements, or long-term planning). Secondary partners, while important, usually have a different level of entwinement in day-to-day life.

This structure works well for people who need a sense of security and clarity. You can enjoy multiple connections while still offering one partner the majority of your time and emotional energy. It can alleviate some of the worries that arise when someone wants to explore beyond monogamy but also maintain a stable, core partnership.

Why Hierarchy Matters—and Doesn’t

A clear hierarchy can help with decision-making, scheduling, and conflict resolution. For instance, a shared mortgage with your primary might take priority over a spontaneous weekend getaway with a secondary.

However, hierarchy can also stir up feelings of inequality or jealousy among partners. Some secondary partners may feel like they’re always in second place—unable to attain the same level of commitment and security as the primary partnership. That’s why open communication is non-negotiable in hierarchical polyamory. Everyone involved needs to understand—and agree to—the terms.

If you yearn for multiple meaningful connections but want a “home base,” hierarchical polyamory might strike that perfect balance.

Solo Polyamory

Independence and Autonomy

Ever hear someone say, “I love my freedom, but I also love more than one person”? That’s solo polyamory in a nutshell. In this style, you might have multiple partners, but you don’t necessarily prioritize one relationship over the others. What differentiates solo polyamory from hierarchical polyamory is the strong emphasis on individual autonomy. You’re committed to yourself first—your own goals, personal space, finances, and independence.

Solo polyamorists often live alone or with roommates, rather than with a partner. They may avoid terms like “primary” or “secondary,” seeing all relationships as equally valid but independently navigated. For some, the idea of “being your own primary partner” is empowering, allowing them to shape their life without compromise.

Navigating Solo Poly Commitments

Commitment in solo polyamory doesn’t mean merging finances or making co-living arrangements. Instead, it’s about showing up ethically and consistently for multiple partners—emotionally, romantically, or sexually. The challenge lies in the fact that not everyone understands (or is comfortable with) a partner who isn’t planning to “settle down.”

If the idea of living life on your own terms and forging multiple, standalone relationships sounds exhilarating—without the desire to share finances or domestic duties—you might be a natural solo polyamorist. This style isn’t for everyone, but if you value personal freedom above all else, it might be the perfect fit.

Non-Hierarchical Polyamory

A World Without Ranks?

In non-hierarchical polyamory, all partners hold equal status. There’s no predefined “primary” and “secondary.” Decisions affecting the group—like living arrangements, vacations, or future planning—are made collaboratively and with input from all partners. This approach aims for a more equitable distribution of time, love, and resources.

The philosophy behind non-hierarchical polyamory is that each relationship stands on its own merits rather than conforming to a ranking system. If you believe love can expand and deepen across multiple partners, and you don’t want to prioritize one relationship over another, this might be your ideal.

Emotional Labor and Communication

Non-hierarchical setups demand high-level communication skills. You’re not just checking in with one person; you may be juggling multiple emotional landscapes. At times, it can feel like running a small, very affectionate committee.

Jealousy can still occur, of course, but partners often address it through transparency, empathy, and regular check-ins—sometimes in group chats or sit-down meetings. If you’re someone who believes in collective decision-making and doesn’t want to rank partners, non-hierarchical polyamory could be your ultimate love style.

Swinging

Sharing is Caring—Or Is It?

For some, the idea of swinging conjures up images of couples at a fancy party exchanging partners. While that might be part of it, swinging primarily focuses on sexual exploration rather than forming multiple romantic relationships. Many swingers are emotionally monogamous with their primary partner but enjoy physical intimacy with others—often in a social, party-like setting.

Swinging can range from occasional “play parties” to more structured events in private clubs. The key is that the focus usually remains on sexual variety, with emotional commitments staying within the main couple. It’s less about falling in love with multiple partners and more about sharing erotic experiences.

The Social Side of Swinging

Swinging communities often have a strong social component. Parties and meetups can be quite organized, with established rules around consent and comfort levels. Couples interested in swinging should discuss boundaries extensively: Are you okay with flirting, kissing, full intimacy, or only certain acts? How do you want to handle post-play discussions?

Communication is once again the cornerstone. Some couples find swinging rejuvenates their intimacy and builds trust. Others might struggle with jealousy or discomfort if they haven’t set clear boundaries. If your primary interest lies in exploring sexual variety together, swinging offers a lively, communal path.

Relationship Anarchy

DIY Love

“Rules? We don’t need no stinking rules!”—that’s a playful way to describe relationship anarchy (RA). Think of RA as a DIY approach to connections. Instead of following social scripts—like labeling someone a “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” and placing them in a hierarchy—relationship anarchists create relationships based on mutual desires and respect, without predefined structures.

In RA, every relationship (be it with friends, romantic partners, or family) is unique, carrying its own meaning. The guiding principle is absolute autonomy for everyone involved. There’s no “should” or “must” about how a relationship progresses. Maybe you cuddle with one friend, go on romantic dates with another, or share deep emotional intimacy with a longtime partner but don’t live together. Each bond evolves organically.

Challenges of Setting Boundaries

Relationship anarchy isn’t anarchy in the sense of chaos. It actually demands a tremendous amount of mutual trust, communication, and boundary awareness. You don’t default to labels or assume certain behaviors are off-limits or guaranteed. Instead, you talk it out—over and over, sometimes.

Because relationship anarchy breaks so far away from conventional models, it can be challenging for outsiders to understand. You might constantly find yourself explaining that “no, we’re not just friends, but we’re not exactly partners either…we’re just us.” If you prefer freedom from labels and prefer to shape each connection individually, RA could be your jam.

How to Decide What’s Right for You

By now, you’ve glimpsed the wide spectrum of relationship styles—from traditional monogamy to the freewheeling realms of relationship anarchy. How do you know which one suits you? First, start with honest self-reflection:

• Your Values: Do you value tradition and security, or are you drawn to exploration and freedom?
• Your Goals: Is marriage, cohabitation, or building a family on your radar? Or do you envision a more fluid life path?
• Time & Energy: Multiple relationships require emotional bandwidth. How much time, effort, and heart-space are you willing to invest?
• Communication Style: Are you comfortable discussing boundaries, jealousy, and sexual health openly and often?
• Personal Growth: Does the idea of challenging social norms excite or scare you? Or both?

Next, talk to potential or existing partners. Your relationship style impacts them just as much as it does you. Be prepared: not everyone shares the same comfort levels. If you’re in a couple, you might discover that one partner is open to exploring polyamory while the other isn’t—or that boundaries need to be meticulously spelled out. If you’re single, it’s easier to experiment, but you’ll still want to discuss your values with the people you date.

Finally, remember that these labels—monogamy, open relationships, polyamory, swinging, and so on—are tools for understanding your own preferences, not rigid boxes. You can blend elements of multiple styles, or evolve into new ones as you change and grow.

The Future of Love

Our ideas about love, relationships, and commitment are in a state of perpetual evolution. What was once considered taboo might be tomorrow’s norm. The key is finding (and co-creating) the dynamic that respects all partners’ needs, boundaries, and aspirations.

So, are you truly monogamous? Or is there a spark of curiosity nudging you toward the non-traditional? Take our 20-question test to find out—it’s a quick dip into self-discovery that just might inspire a tidal wave of transformation. In less than 5 minutes, you could uncover a style that makes your heart sing, your mind expand, and your spirit soar.

Whatever your results, we hope you walk away with a deeper understanding of yourself and an appreciation for the many forms love can take. Remember: No matter which path you choose, communication, honesty, and respect are the bedrocks of any healthy connection. Embrace the journey, keep an open mind, and explore what truly resonates with you. Because in the end, love is all about choice—and now, the choice is yours.

Go on, darling—take the test and see what tantalizing truth awaits you. Your perfect relationship dynamic might be closer than you think. And no matter which category fits best, trust us when we say: love, when done authentically, is always an adventure worth taking.