Verbal agreements are the invisible banana peels of the non-monogamy world. You slip on them when you least expect it and usually end up looking foolish and feeling hurt. You are here because you have realized that cool and chill are not actually relationship strategies. They are just words people use to avoid awkward conversations. At The Monogamy Experiment we believe that the sexiest thing you can do for your partner is to be crystal clear about your boundaries. Ambiguity breeds anxiety. Clarity breeds confidence. If you rely on a vague conversation you had three weeks ago over margaritas to define the rules of your marriage you are gambling with your heart. We built the Open Relationship Contract Generator to stop the gambling and start the planning. This tool takes the chaos of your desires and structures it into a formal document that you can actually read and sign and reference when things get blurry.
The problem with verbal agreements is that human memory is flawed. We edit our memories to suit our current feelings. You might remember saying sleepovers are okay sometimes while your partner remembers sleepovers are okay anytime. That tiny difference is the gap where a massive fight lives. This tool closes that gap. It uses a logic we call The Builder. You answer fifteen key questions about your boundaries and logistics. The tool then pulls from a library of pre-written Legal Clauses to construct a custom PDF agreement that reflects your specific relationship. It is not about being litigious. It is about being precise. It forces you to confront the details before they become disasters.
Why you need to write it down
Writing something down changes it from a wish to a reality. In psychology this is called commitment consistency. When you sign your name to a document your brain treats that promise differently than a promise you just spoke into the air. It adds weight. It adds gravity. It also serves as a neutral third party. When you are fighting at 2 AM about whether or not he was allowed to text his date at the dinner table you do not have to argue about memory. You just pull out the contract. If Clause 4 Section B says No phones during date night then the argument is over. The contract is the bad guy so you do not have to be.
This document also serves as a safety manual for your emotional well being. Opening a relationship floods your system with new variables. You are dealing with jealousy and time management and sexual health risks all at once. Having a manual gives you a sense of control. It tells you exactly what the protocol is for every scary scenario. It is the parachute you pack before you jump out of the plane.
The 15 Core Modules of the Generator
The Generator is built on fifteen specific modules. These are the pillars of a healthy open relationship. We are going to walk through each one so you understand why we ask these questions and what happens if you get them wrong.
Module 1: The Sexual Health Protocol
This is the non-negotiable stuff. The tool asks you about barrier usage. Is it condoms always? Is it fluid bonding with the primary only? It also asks about testing cadence. Do you test every three months or every six months? Do you require proof of a clean test from new partners?
The Clause it Builds: Both parties agree to use barrier protection for all penetrative acts with outside partners. STI testing will occur quarterly. Failure to use protection requires immediate disclosure and a suspension of sexual intimacy between the primary partners until a clean test is produced.
Module 2: The Sleepover Rule
Sleepovers are intimate. Waking up next to someone is a different level of connection than just having sex with them. Some people find this threatening. Others find it practical especially if alcohol is involved.
The Clause it Builds: Overnight stays are permitted only on weekends and must be communicated 24 hours in advance. The partner returning home must arrive by 10 AM the following day.
Module 3: The Veto Power
Can you tell your partner to stop seeing someone just because you get a bad vibe? This is controversial. Some couples need this safety brake. Others find it controlling. You need to decide if a veto is no questions asked or if it requires a just cause discussion.
The Clause it Builds: Each partner retains the right to veto a specific outside partner if they feel the primary relationship is threatened. This veto must be exercised in good faith and triggers an immediate cooling off period.
Module 4: The Emotional Bandwidth
Are we doing just sex or are we doing polyamory? This module defines the depth of connection allowed. Can you say I love you to someone else? Can you celebrate anniversaries with them?
The Clause it Builds: Outside relationships are restricted to casual dating and sexual intimacy. Romantic love and long term future planning with outside partners are prohibited and constitute a breach of this agreement.
Module 5: The Messy List
Who is off limits? The tool forces you to name names. Coworkers? Exes? Mutual friends? The neighbor? You need a No Fly Zone to prevent social awkwardness and workplace disasters.
The Clause it Builds: The following categories of individuals are strictly off limits: current coworkers, ex-partners of either primary partner, and immediate family members of friends.
Module 6: The Digital Etiquette
Social media is a minefield. Can you post photos with your date? Can you follow them on Instagram? Does your relationship status stay Married or change to Open?
The Clause it Builds: No photos of outside partners may be posted to public social media accounts. The primary relationship status on all platforms will remain listed as Monogamous to protect privacy.
Module 7: The Financial Cap
Dating is expensive. The tool asks who pays. Do you have a monthly allowance for dates? Do you split the bill? Using joint funds for hotel rooms can cause massive resentment if not agreed upon.
The Clause it Builds: All expenses related to outside dating must be paid from personal discretionary funds. Joint accounts are strictly for household expenses and may not be used for dates, gifts, or travel with others.
Module 8: The Communication Loop
This is the Don't Ask Don't Tell versus Radical Transparency module. How much detail do you want? Do you want to know names? Do you want to know acts? Do you want to know nothing?
The Clause it Builds: Partners agree to a Kitchen Table disclosure policy. Names and general plans must be shared for safety, but specific sexual details should remain private unless explicitly asked for.
Module 9: The Time Management Quota
How many nights a week are available for dating? If you don't cap this you might never see your spouse. The tool asks for a specific number of protected nights for the primary relationship.
The Clause it Builds: A minimum of three nights per week are reserved for the primary relationship. Outside dates may not exceed two nights per week per partner.
Module 10: The Location Boundaries
Where does the sex happen? Is the marital bed sacred? Is the guest room okay? Are you strictly hotels only? Coming home to dirty sheets you didn't dirty is a visceral nightmare for many.
The Clause it Builds: The marital home is a sanctuary. No sexual activity with outside partners may occur within the residence. All encounters must take place at the outside partner's residence or a neutral location.
Module 11: The PDA Protocol
Public Displays of Affection. Can you hold hands in your hometown? What if you run into someone you know? This module protects your reputation and your partner's comfort level in public spaces.
The Clause it Builds: Public displays of affection with outside partners are prohibited within a 20 mile radius of the primary residence to maintain discretion.
Module 12: The Gift Giving Policy
Gifts are a love language. Buying a diamond necklace for a girlfriend while your wife gets a toaster is a bad look. The tool asks for spending limits on gifts to ensure equity.
The Clause it Builds: Gifts for outside partners are limited to small tokens of appreciation not exceeding $50 in value. Major holidays are reserved for the primary partner.
Module 13: The Crisis Plan
What happens if there is an accidental pregnancy? What happens if someone gets stalked? This is the Emergency Room module. It forces you to discuss the hard stuff before the adrenaline kicks in.
The Clause it Builds: In the event of an accidental pregnancy, the primary partners agree to discuss all options together, acknowledging that the primary unit's stability is the priority.
Module 14: The Check In Cadence
A contract is not a stone tablet. It is a living document. The tool asks how often you want to review the rules. Monthly? Quarterly? It sets a calendar reminder for your State of the Union.
The Clause it Builds: This agreement is valid for 90 days. Both partners agree to a formal review session on the first Sunday of every quarter to renegotiate terms based on new experiences.
Module 15: The Exit Strategy
How do we close the relationship if it isn't working? This is the kill switch. You need a safe word that means stop everything immediately.
The Clause it Builds: Either partner may initiate a Closing Protocol at any time. Upon this request, all outside dating must cease immediately to allow the primary couple to focus on repair and reconnection.
Real life scenarios where the contract saves you
You might think this sounds excessive. Let us look at three scenarios where having this PDF saves your relationship from imploding.
Scenario A: The Just Friends Sleepover
Your husband goes to a female friend's house. They have a few drinks. He crashes on her couch. You freak out because to you a sleepover implies sex. He says But we didn't do anything!
The Contract Fix: You pull up Module 2. It says No overnight stays regardless of sexual activity. He is in breach of contract. The argument isn't about what he did. It is about the fact that he stayed over. The boundary is clear. He apologizes for breaking the rule rather than gaslighting you about your feelings.
Scenario B: The Expensive Dinner
You see a charge for $300 at a steakhouse on the joint credit card. Your wife took her boyfriend out for his birthday. You were saving that money for a vacation.
The Contract Fix: You reference Module 7. It says Dates must be paid from personal funds. She has to reimburse the joint account immediately. The resentment doesn't fester because the rule was explicit. It becomes a simple accounting error rather than a statement about her love for you.
Scenario C: The Coworker Flirtation
Your partner starts getting close to someone at the office. They say It's fine we are professionals. You feel sick about it.
The Contract Fix: You look at Module 5. Coworkers are strictly off limits. You don't have to explain why it makes you uncomfortable or justify your jealousy. The contract already decided that coworkers are too messy. The conversation is short and the boundary holds.
Common objections to the contract
We hear the same complaints all the time. It feels unromantic. It feels like a business deal. I don't want to involve lawyers. Let us debunk these right now.
Objection 1: It kills the romance.
False. Safety creates romance. You cannot be truly vulnerable and romantic if you are terrified your partner is going to accidentally hurt you. The contract builds a container of safety. Inside that container you can be as wild and romantic as you want because you know the walls will hold.
Objection 2: It implies we don't trust each other.
False. It implies you don't trust miscommunication. You trust your partner's intentions but you know that human beings are flawed communicators. The contract is a tool to help your partner succeed in loving you. It gives them the cheat sheet to your heart.
Objection 3: It isn't legally binding anyway.
True. You cannot take this to a court of law and sue your husband for $500 because he kissed someone. That is not the point. It is emotionally binding. It is a social contract. Breaking it has social and emotional consequences. The piece of paper is a symbol of your mutual respect.
How to sign and store the agreement
Once the Generator builds your PDF do not just leave it in your downloads folder. Print two copies. Sit down at the table. Sign them with a pen. Date them. This ritual matters. It signals to your brain that this is a new chapter.
Put one copy in your nightstand. Put a digital copy in a shared Google Drive folder where both of you can access it. If you have a therapist send a copy to them. Having a witness makes the contract feel even more real. When you have your quarterly review print a new one and sign it again even if nothing changed. The act of re-committing is powerful.
Glossary of Contract Terms
To use the Generator effectively you need to know the specific legal terms we use. Here is your cheat sheet.
- Breach of Contract An action that violates a specific written rule. This usually triggers a pause in the open relationship.
- Clause A specific section of the agreement dealing with one topic.
- Amendment A change made to the contract during a review session. For example changing condoms always to fluid bonded is a major amendment.
- Primary Partner The person you are signing the contract with. The priority relationship.
- Secondary Partner The outside partners who are subject to the rules of the contract even though they didn't sign it.
- Grace Period A timeframe allowed to fix a mistake. For example You have 24 hours to disclose a new partner before it becomes a secret.
- Sunset Clause A rule that automatically expires after a certain time unless renewed. This is good for testing out scary things like sleepovers.
The psychology of the Sign Off
When you finish the Generator and see your customized agreement there is usually a moment of relief. You see your anxieties laid out in black and white text. You see that there is a plan for them. That relief is the sound of your nervous system regulating. You are no longer fighting the unknown. You are managing the known. That is the difference between a disastrous open relationship and a successful one.
This tool puts you on the same team. Instead of You vs. Your Partner it becomes The Two of You vs. The Contract. You can blame the contract. You can reference the contract. It becomes the third entity in your relationship that holds the space for fairness. Use it. Rely on it. Let it do the hard work so you can focus on the fun parts.
Frequently asked questions
Is this contract legally binding in court
No. This is a relationship agreement not a legal contract. You cannot sue for damages if a rule is broken. Its power comes from the emotional commitment and the clarity it provides. It is a tool for communication not litigation. If you need a legally binding document regarding assets or custody you need a post-nuptial agreement from a real lawyer.
What happens if my partner refuses to sign
If your partner refuses to define their boundaries or agree to yours that is a red flag. It suggests they want the freedom of an open relationship without the responsibility. You should not open the relationship until you have an agreement that both people feel safe signing. A refusal to sign is a refusal to commit to your safety.
Can we change the rules later
Yes absolutely. In fact you should change the rules. We recommend a review every 90 days. As you gain experience you might find that some rules are too strict and others are too loose. The contract is a living document that should grow with you. Just make sure every change is written down and initialed.
Does this work for Polyamory too
Yes the Generator has settings for Polyamory. The Emotional Bandwidth module allows you to select Love and Romance Allowed which changes the generated clauses to support multiple committed relationships rather than just casual sex. The logic of clarity applies to every relationship style.
What if I break a rule by accident
The contract usually includes a Disclosure Protocol. If you break a rule the first step is immediate honesty. Hiding the breach is often worse than the breach itself. If you confess immediately it is a mistake. If you hide it it is a lie. The contract helps you distinguish between the two.
Do outside partners need to sign this
No. This contract is between the two primary partners. However it is good practice to inform your outside partners of the rules that affect them. For example you should tell them I have a contract that says I can't do sleepovers. They don't need to sign it but they need to respect it if they want to date you.
How specific should we get
The more specific the better. Be safe is a bad rule because it is open to interpretation. Use condoms for all penetration is a good rule because it is binary. You did or you didn't. The Generator prompts you to be specific for this exact reason. Ambiguity is the enemy of security.
Can we use this to close a relationship
Yes the Exit Strategy module is designed exactly for this. It gives you a pre-agreed upon way to shut down the open dynamic without it being a surprise. Having a Safety Cord makes people feel brave enough to try opening up because they know they can always stop.