Theory is sexy. Reality is messy. You agreed you could date others, but how does your stomach drop when he takes her to your anniversary spot? Or when she comes home smelling like someone else?
This simulator drags your abstract rules into the harsh light of day. We force you to confront the visceral, gut-wrenching scenarios that actually destroy relationships, before they happen. Test your nervous system in the simulator so you don't crash the car in real life.
The world of non-monogamy is a maze of confusing labels. Trying to be "Polyamorous" when your heart actually needs "Swinging" isn't just a vocabulary error; it’s a recipe for misery.
You can't build a stable home on a foundation that doesn't fit your psychology. This tool analyzes your emotional bandwidth and jealousy triggers to design the exact structure you need. Stop trying to squeeze into a box that doesn't fit. Build a relationship that actually feels like home.
Opening up feels exciting, but if you aren't reading from the same script, you're writing a tragedy. The disconnect between "I want freedom" and "I want safety" is where hearts break. This isn't just a quiz; it’s a synchronization engine.
We identify the silent gaps in your desires—from sleepover rules to emotional bandwidth, before they become unbridgeable chasms. Don't wait until the damage is done to find out you were never on the same page. Align your compasses now.
The fantasy is intoxicating. The reality? It can be terrifying. That sickening drop in your stomach when she leaves isn't just nerves; it's the fear of the unknown threatening everything you’ve built. Don't let vague agreements become grounds for disaster. You need structure before the chaos hits.
The Hotwife Contract Creator transforms your deepest anxieties about safety, emotions, and "going too far" into a rock-solid, signed agreement. Silence the jealousy and lock down your safety net so you can actually survive the thrill.
The fantasy is incredible, but the logistics can tear you apart. That sickening knot of anxiety you feel when she leaves isn't weakness; it's your brain warning you that you're flying without a safety net. Ambiguity is the oxygen that jealousy breathes. Don't let undefined "gray areas" become the reason your marriage implodes.
The Official Hotwife Rules Generator doesn't just list acts; it builds a protective fortress around your relationship. Get the concrete roadmap you need to ensure this high-stakes adventure doesn't turn into a disaster.
Welcome to the digital toolbox for your love life. If you tried to build a house with just good vibes and a smile you would end up sleeping in the rain. Relationships are the same way. You cannot just "wing it" when you are adding multiple people and complex emotions to your life. You need gear. You need blueprints. You need a safety net that is made of stronger stuff than just "I hope this works out." At The Monogamy Experiment we have spent years testing the limits of love and lust so you do not have to learn the hard way. We have built a suite of custom tools designed to handle the heavy lifting for you. These are not just fun quizzes to take while you are bored at work. These are stress tests and communication bridges and reality checks that will save your marriage from a fiery demise. Whether you are a seasoned swinger or a total newbie terrified of your first date we have a tool here that will lower your blood pressure and raise your excitement levels.
Most people fail at Ethical Non-Monogamy or ENM because they skip the prep work. They jump straight into the deep end without checking if there is water in the pool. Our tools are the water. They provide the structure and the logic and the safety protocols you need to explore your desires without blowing up your life. Below you will find a detailed breakdown of every tool we offer. We explain how to use them and why they work and the specific disaster scenarios they prevent. Browse through the collection and pick the one that fits your current crisis or curiosity. It is time to stop guessing and start calculating.
Why intuition is not enough in the lifestyle
You might think you know your partner better than anyone else in the world. You probably do. But you know them in the context of monogamy. You know how they take their coffee and you know which side of the bed they prefer. You do not know how they will react when they see you kissing a stranger at a bar. You do not know how they will handle the specific jealousy of you receiving a text message at dinner. That is uncharted territory. Intuition fails in new environments because intuition is just pattern recognition and you have no patterns for this yet. That is why you need tools.
These tools act as an external brain. They force you to slow down and process data that you would otherwise ignore. They remove the emotion from the decision making process. When you are horny or drunk on New Relationship Energy your brain lies to you. It tells you everything will be fine. The tools tell you the truth. They highlight the cracks in your foundation before you start building. They help you define terms so that when you say "safe" and your partner says "safe" you actually mean the same thing.
The Hotwife Relationship Contract Creator
What it is: This is our flagship tool for couples exploring the Stag and Doe dynamic. It is a comprehensive template and guide that helps you draft a written agreement for your adventures. It covers everything from health protocols to curfew times.
Why you need it: The hotwife dynamic is high octane. It involves intense arousal and intense potential for insecurity. If you do not have clear boundaries the husband can easily spiral into jealousy or the wife can feel controlled. A verbal agreement is forgotten the moment the clothes come off. A written contract stands the test of time.
How to use it effectively:
Sit down with your partner and a bottle of wine. Open the template. Read each section out loud. Discuss the "Why" behind every rule. If you agree on a "no kissing" rule ask yourselves if that is because of hygiene or emotional intimacy. Understanding the root of the rule helps you stick to it. Use the "Oh Crap Clause" to define exactly what happens when things go wrong. Print it out and sign it. It sounds formal but the act of signing creates a psychological commitment that is harder to break than a pinky swear.
The problem it solves: It prevents the "I thought you knew" argument. It eliminates ambiguity. If the contract says "home by midnight" and you come home at 1 AM you know you broke the rule. There is no gaslighting because the paper does not lie.
The Soft vs Full Swap Decider Tool
What it is: This is the logic engine for your night out. It is a pre-event checklist that uses the "Lowest Common Denominator" logic to determine your boundaries for a specific evening. It aligns your expectations before you leave the house.
Why you need it: Desires are fluid. Just because you had a full swap gangbang last month does not mean you are in the mood for it tonight. Maybe you have a headache or maybe you are feeling shy. If your partner assumes you are ready for "Level 10" play but you are only at "Level 2" you are going to have a bad time. Mismatched expectations are the number one cause of fights in the lifestyle.
How to use it effectively:
Use this tool exactly one hour before you leave for the party. Do not do it days in advance because feelings change. Do not do it in the car because you are rushed. Separate for two minutes and answer the questions honestly. Then compare. If you want "Soft Swap" and they want "Full Swap" the tool dictates that you stick to "Soft Swap." The more conservative answer always wins. This creates a "Safe Overlap" where you can both have fun without anyone feeling coerced.
The problem it solves: It kills FOMO or Fear Of Missing Out. It reframes a "downgrade" in plans as a victory for the relationship. It stops you from pushing your partner past their limit just to fit in with the crowd.
The Open Relationship Explorer
What it is: This is a pass-and-play alignment test for couples who are considering opening up their marriage for dating. It covers emotional bandwidth and logistics and the dreaded "catching feelings" scenarios.
Why you need it: Opening a relationship is different than swinging. Swinging is a team sport. Open relationships are often solo sports. You are spending time apart. You are building connections with others. The risk of emotional infidelity is much higher. You need to know if your partner wants "Polyamory" or just "Casual Sex" before you download Tinder.
How to use it effectively:
This tool is designed to be interactive. One partner reads a prompt like "How do we handle it if one of us falls in love?" and answers. Then they pass the device to the other partner. If your answers are miles apart you stop. You do not pass Go. You do not collect 200 dollars. You stay on that question until you resolve the difference. It forces you to have the hard conversations now while you are safe instead of later when you are already hurt.
The problem it solves: It prevents the "Bait and Switch." This happens when one partner agrees to an open relationship thinking it will be just sex but secretly hopes for romance while the other partner strictly wants hookups. This tool exposes those hidden agendas.
The ENM Reality Check Simulator
What it is: This is a "What If" scenario generator that throws visceral and messy situations at you. It is a stress test for your ego. It asks you to imagine smelling another person's perfume on your spouse or finding a condom wrapper in the car.
Why you need it: Theory is clean. Reality is dirty. You can agree to the *idea* of non-monogamy easily. But the *reality* of it hits you in the gut. Most people are not prepared for the physical reaction they have to seeing their partner with someone else. This simulator triggers those reactions in a safe environment so you can process them.
How to use it effectively:
Close your eyes. Have your partner read the scenario. Visualize it in high definition. Do not just think about it. Feel it. If you feel sick or angry or terrified take note of that. That is data. It means you have an insecurity that needs to be addressed. Use the "Protocol Check" for each scenario. If the simulator asks "What do you do if the condom breaks?" and you do not have an answer you failed the simulation. Go make a plan.
The problem it solves: It prevents panic attacks. If you have already mentally rehearsed the worst case scenario it is less scary when it actually happens. You have a playbook. You are not freezing in the headlights.
The Relationship Architect Blueprint Generator
What it is: This is a personality test that helps you determine your ideal relationship structure. It cuts through the confusing labels like "Poly" and "Swinger" and "Monogamish" to find the specific dynamic that fits your needs.
Why you need it: The ENM world is full of jargon. People often try to be "Polyamorous" because they think it sounds enlightened when they really just want to be "Swingers." Or they try to be "Relationship Anarchists" when they actually crave "Hierarchy." Living in the wrong house causes misery. You need a blueprint that matches your emotional materials.
How to use it effectively:
Take the test individually first. Be honest about your jealousy levels and your need for attention. Then compare your blueprints. If you are a "Kitchen Table Poly" person who wants everyone to be friends and your partner is a "Parallel Dater" who wants total separation you have a structural flaw. You need to negotiate a renovation before you move in. Use the blueprint to explain your needs to new partners too.
The problem it solves: It stops you from wasting time with incompatible people. If you know your blueprint you can spot someone with a matching blueprint from a mile away. It saves you from months of trying to force a square peg into a round hole.
How to combine these tools for a full relationship audit
You do not have to use all these tools at once. That would be exhausting. But they do work together in a specific ecosystem. Here is the recommended workflow for a couple just starting out or a couple looking to reset their dynamic.
Step 1: The Identity Phase
Start with the Relationship Architect. Figure out who you are. Are you a unit or are you individuals? Do you want love or just sport? Once you have your label you can narrow down your search.
Step 2: The Stress Test Phase
Run the ENM Reality Check Simulator. See if you can handle the visceral reality of your chosen blueprint. If you chose "Polyamory" in step one but you vomit when you imagine your partner saying "I love them" in the simulator then you need to go back to step one. You might actually be a Swinger.
Step 3: The Agreement Phase
Use the Contract Creator or the Open Relationship Explorer to write it down. Formalize your rules. Make the implicit explicit. Cover the health and safety protocols. Cover the veto powers. Sign the document.
Step 4: The Execution Phase
Use the Soft vs Full Swap Decider before every single date or event. This is your maintenance tool. It keeps you on track day to day. It ensures that your long term contract matches your short term mood.
Glossary of tool specific terms
To use these tools effectively you need to speak the language. Here are the terms that appear frequently across our calculators and contracts.
- Veto Power The right for one partner to unilaterally end the other partner's outside relationship. This is a "nuclear option" discussed in the Contract Creator.
- Safe Overlap The logic used in the Decider Tool. It means the plan for the night defaults to the comfort level of the most hesitant partner.
- Pass and Play The mechanism used in the Explorer tool where partners take turns answering prompts on a single device to ensure synchronization.
- NRE or New Relationship Energy The chemical high of a new romance. The Reality Check Simulator tests your ability to handle your partner experiencing this with someone else.
- Compersion The feeling of joy for your partner's joy. The Architect tool assesses your natural capacity for this feeling.
- Lowest Common Denominator The governing rule of the Decider Tool. You do not compromise "up" to riskier behavior. You compromise "down" to safer behavior.
- Kitchen Table vs Parallel A spectrum in the Architect tool describing how much you want your partners to interact with each other.
The psychology of safety
Why do we emphasize safety so much? Is this supposed to be fun? Yes it is. But fun requires safety. You cannot truly let go and be wild if you are worried about the floor collapsing beneath you. These tools build the floor. They provide the psychological safety net that allows you to take risks. When you know that your partner has agreed to a specific set of rules you can relax. You can turn off the "vigilance" part of your brain and turn on the "pleasure" part.
Safety is not the opposite of freedom. Structure is the prerequisite for freedom. A river without banks is just a swamp. A river with banks can flow fast and powerful. These tools build the banks of your relationship so your love can flow without drowning you. Use them wisely and use them often.
Frequently asked questions
Are these tools free to use
Yes all of the tools listed on this page are free resources provided by The Monogamy Experiment. We believe that safe and ethical information should be accessible to everyone. A better educated community is a safer community for all of us.
Do I have to print the contract for it to work
You do not have to print it but we highly recommend it. There is something psychological about physical paper. It feels real. It sits in a drawer and exists in the physical world. A digital file is too easy to ignore or delete. Signing a physical paper creates a memory anchor that helps you stick to your word.
Can single people use these tools
Absolutely. The Relationship Architect is perfect for singles. It helps you define what you are looking for before you start dating. You can also use the Reality Check Simulator to test your own readiness for dating someone who is already in a relationship. Knowing your own boundaries is attractive.
What if my partner refuses to use the tools
If your partner refuses to engage with these tools or conversations that is a massive red flag. Ethical non-monogamy requires a high level of communication. If they are unwilling to do a five minute checklist to ensure your safety they are likely not going to respect your boundaries in the heat of the moment. Proceed with extreme caution.
How often should we update our contract
We recommend a "State of the Union" meeting every three to six months. Relationships are living things. They grow and change. What worked for you in year one might be stifling in year three. Re-run the Architect and the Contract Creator periodically to make sure your rules still fit your reality.
Do these tools work for same sex couples
Yes the logic of these tools is universal. While some terms like "Hotwife" or "Stag" are gendered by tradition the underlying mechanics of jealousy and boundaries and safety apply to every gender and orientation. You can easily swap the pronouns or terms to fit your specific dynamic.
Is the Decider Tool a mood killer
Some people think planning sex kills the romance. We find the opposite is true. Anxiety is the real mood killer. When you use the Decider Tool you eliminate the anxiety of "what if we fight." You clear the air so you can focus entirely on the fun. Knowing exactly what is on the menu makes you hungrier for the meal.
Can we use these tools if we are strictly monogamous
Surprisingly yes. The Reality Check Simulator and the Relationship Architect are great for monogamous couples too. They help you understand your jealousy triggers and your attachment styles. Even if you never open up these tools can deepen your understanding of how you love and how you want to be loved.