The Essential Guide to Hierarchical Polyamory (Instant Download)
$9.99
Want hierarchy that feels fair instead of like a secret ranking system This guide gives you structure, scripts and safety nets so primaries, secondaries and the wider polycule all know where they stand.
Youll Learn How To:
- Write a primary secondary charter that spells out privileges, duties and exit plans
- Build consent architecture from network rules to in the moment pause words and signals
- Handle jealousy and attachment wobbles with somatic tools and reassurance rituals
- Design calendars, holiday rotations and time equity checks that limit couple privilege
- Run vetting, health, media and incident response systems that protect everyone involved
Whats Inside: plain language explainers, charter templates, consent scripts, equity guardrails, calendar and money tools, vetting questionnaires, health policies, incident and repair flows and 20 realistic scenarios with word for word responses you can save into your notes app.
Perfect For: couples opening into hierarchical polyamory, secondaries who want clarity and respect, existing polycules tightening their systems and clinicians or community hosts who need a concrete blueprint.
Hierarchical polyamory can feel like the most organised way to love more than one person or the fastest way to turn a couple into a tiny monarchy. The Essential Guide to Hierarchical Polyamory is your practical manual for designing primary and secondary structures that are transparent, consent first and boring in all the right safety ways.
This guide treats hierarchy as a negotiated system, not a secret ranking chart. In plain language it explains what hierarchical polyamory is, what it is not, and how to decide whether it fits your values. You will learn how to write a primary secondary charter that spells out privileges, responsibilities and exit routes, so nobody has to guess what primary actually means in your world.
Why this guide helps
Most people try hierarchy on vibes. The existing couple quietly keeps all the real power, secondaries feel like side quests and jealousy spreads through the group chat. This ebook gives you equity guardrails and consent architecture so your structure is honest, not sneaky. You will see exactly how to set up household rules, safety pauses instead of blanket vetoes, and simple decision processes so big choices are not made in a panic at midnight.
- Turn vague promises about fairness into a written charter that covers time, money, housing, holidays and information.
- Build layered consent from network level agreements to in the moment signals anyone can use to pause or stop a scene.
- Use jealousy tools, reassurance rituals and body first regulation so strong feelings become data, not drama.
- Set up calendars, capacity caps and holiday rotations so couple privilege does not quietly eat the whole year.
- Follow vetting, health and media policies that protect primaries, secondaries and your future self.
How it makes your life better
Instead of arguing every time a weekend, overnight or holiday comes up, you get clear priority math and monthly equity reviews. Real world scenarios walk you through messy situations like surprise sleepovers, secret secondaries, calendar land grabs and health scares with immediate steps and long term fixes. You also get templates for repair agreements, incident reports and sanctions so breaches have predictable outcomes instead of silent resentment.
The guide covers metamour etiquette, access to homes, money and parenting notes, hosting basics for primary led networks and guidance on when to bring in an ethical non monogamy literate therapist or coach. Everything is copy paste ready so you can move from theory to implementation fast.
Who this is for
This guide is ideal for established couples opening up, secondaries who want clarity and dignity, and polycules who already have some hierarchy but want it written, bounded and fair. If you want a poly life where primary does not mean tyrant and every partner knows their real rights and responsibilities, this is the handbook you keep within reach.
Helped secondaries feel more respected in our setup
Made it easier to talk about primary status without panic
Clarified what hierarchical polyamory is without demonising it
Very honest about privileges and how to handle them fairly
The visuals of relationship structures really helped me
The examples made abstract ideas very concrete
The book insists on explicit agreements which we needed
Made me braver about asking for what I actually need